Not having experienced an orgasm doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. In fact, it’s far more common than most people think. Many people—especially vulva owners—go through life feeling disconnected from their own pleasure, unsure of how to access it, or even if they’re “supposed” to feel more. But here’s the truth: pleasure is not a race to the finish line. It’s a language. And just like any language, it can be learned—slowly, curiously, in your own time.
So much of what we learn about sex centers on performance, goals, or someone else’s pleasure. We’re rarely taught to connect with our own bodies, or to trust the subtle signals they send. Without this connection, orgasm can feel distant or confusing, like something that happens to others but remains just out of reach. But pleasure isn’t a trick your body needs to master. It’s a response to presence, attention, and safety.
There is no one right way to feel. Orgasms don’t always look like what we see in movies. They might arrive gently or build slowly. They might come from internal stimulation, from the lightest external touch, from movement, sound, or breath. Some people discover pleasure in places they didn’t expect—the inner thighs, the nipples, the back of the neck. What matters most isn’t how an orgasm happens, but how deeply you’re allowing yourself to feel.
Creating space for this begins with permission. Permission to slow down. To follow curiosity. To touch yourself not for a result, but for the sensation. Whether with hands or a carefully chosen toy, it’s about discovering what feels nourishing—not just what feels “good.” Breath can be your guide. Slowing your exhale, softening your belly, allowing sound to move through you—these are ways the body begins to trust, to soften, to open.
It’s also okay to feel frustration or grief around not having orgasmed yet. Those feelings are valid. But they don’t define your future. You are not broken. And you’re not behind. You are simply at a beginning.
If orgasm is something you’d like to experience, know that pleasure is a skill, not a gift for the lucky few. And just like any skill, it flourishes with gentle practice, somatic awareness, and a relationship with your own body that is based on listening—not performance.
✨ Want support as you connect with your pleasure? Explore our carefully curated collection of intimacy tools designed to meet you where you are. Each product is selected to help you tune into sensation, relax the nervous system, and open new pathways to pleasure.
Mari City, Certified Sexological Bodyworker and Somatic Sex Educator, offers one-on-one sessions to guide you through this journey with warmth, sensitivity, and expertise.
Discover her services here: [maricitysexbod.com.au]
